2004-11-04 - 12:17 p.m.

I apologize that it takes grave national tragedy to
get me to reach out to loved ones I've been missing.
This dreary day of mourning has me wanting to reach
out to all of you. I need to remind myself that people
are good. People want to love each other. They want to
make art. They want to make spaghetti. They want to
make enough. Many of them simply don't know better.
Apparently, many millions of them.

I woke this morning and turned on the tv with a hollow
ache. Couldn't watch him concede. Cried. Felt the cold
creep of hatred born somewhere near where my tiny,
brave, pink little heart beats its SOS. As I listened
to 6-to-1 verdict for hatred and bigotry in
Mississippi hate started to drain me. I don't want to
hate. I want to understand. How will I ever
understand? So much of this "cultural conservatism"
seems like distortion of Christianity to me. Like the
opposite of goodness. But I believe that people
are--essentially--good. I have to. It is my job. It is
my truth. How to reconcile?
If we can agree on one premise--God is Love--then I
have met God. I met God watering a garden outside a
little bungalow in Emporia, Kansas. I met God as a tan
lifeguard at the Emporia Country Club. I met God when
I was born. I held God's hand and thanked her. I
kissed God on the cheek and snuggled to sleep in a
loft bed. God wore a baseball cap and sang the hell
out of some Celine Dion driving into the sunset. God
let me stay in her house when I had no where else to
go. I walked behind God in an open-air market in
Ireland. God cried when I was heart-broken, brought me
wine, and made me dance. God went camping with me in
Santa Fe. God was breathless about the stars. God
chased the seagulls just to watch them fly. God has my
tattoo on her shoulder blade. God loves me with the
ferocity and persistence of a pacific high tide. God
demands that I stand up and speak who I am. I have to
look her in the eye. I have to tell the truth, as best
as I understand it, as often as possible. God is love.
Love doesn't know bodies, even less does it
acknowledge gender. Love cannot be owned, packaged in
theft-proof plastic cases, cannot be regulated, doled
out, rationed. They don't have it warehoused and
indexed. I have love. I have it for them. I have it
for us. I am love. You are God. God is love.
They don't understand. That doesn't mean we are wrong.
They are afraid. They are narrow. They are cruel, but
mostly in self-defense. The best way to teach is by
example. I will not be frozen in this place in fear. I
will not be halted here by hatred, otherness,
distance. I will continue to say that the sky IS blue,
and God IS love, and my darling and I ARE a family. A
beautiful and blessed one.

"Whatsoever you do to the least among us, you do to
me." --paraphrased quote from Jesus
"The arc of history is long, but it bends toward
justice." --MLK jr.
"If the people lead, eventually the leaders will
follow." --my old bumper sticker.
I believe these things.

Now is the time for linking arms, circling the wagons,
chins up and clear-eyed. We must put ourselves bodily
in front of our schools. Demand that they remain
public and accessible and funded and friendly for
children of all religions. We must do this to preserve
our democracy. We must put our bodies in front of the
constitution. We must plant our feet firmly and clasp
hands. We must protect our nation from
institutionalized hatred. We must say "this document
is for inclusion only." We must do this for the
freedom of every citizen. The government is not a
church. One government. Many churches.
My church has zinnias and a fat cat; cherry tomatoes
and a weird little dog; dragonfly lights strung
through a cedar. My church has a stray cat, big
tiger-striped bully, living under the back pew. My
church has honeysuckle and trumpet vine. I worship.
God hears me. And believes me.

We have to help each other save room in America for
all of us. It is the only way. I could not love you
more. Hold my hand. We will be alright.

All of this is to say that I am grateful for each of
you in my life. I cannot be isolated in this time of
disappointment, and wanted to connect with the people
I love.
Pray for peace, fight for justice.